Thin and Unhealthy

I’ve been dealing with some personal health concerns and dreading the response I’ll get if I talk about them in mixed company. No, I don’t need another abortion; I need to gain weight.

In my culture, dieting is the norm. Striving to lose weight, either through meal plans or protein shakes or supplements or laxatives or crash diets or gastric bypass surgery or diet drugs the FDA should have never deemed “safe” to begin with, is seen as a good and responsible thing, whether you need it or not. I got praised for dropping from a size 5 to a size 3. Now I’m smaller than that.

Someone out there reading this is thinking right about now, “Oh I hate you! I wish I had your problem.” Hey imaginary someone? Fuck you. I get painfully full after five or six bites of food and my pants fall of without me undoing the button or zipper. These are not good and enviable things.

Being treated badly for being fat must suck. I hate that people do it. I don’t participate in that myself. Please don’t pretend like my serious health problems and risks are an advantage. While culture may treat me better, you probably have a lot more physical health and strength than I do.

Skinny doesn’t necessarily equal healthy just like fat doesn’t necessarily equal unhealthy. I wish I could talk about what’s going on with me, how scary it is, how painful, without being afraid of the backlash. I want to get to be honest without having to first apologize for how the world treats people who are fat. And maybe that’s just my skinny privilege whining. I don’t know.

All I know is that I need to gain 10-15 lbs and I’m gonna feel a lot healthier once I do. I hope people can support my healthy weight goals as much I support theirs.

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4 thoughts on “Thin and Unhealthy

  1. Fat, skinny..women never really win. Your health is the most important thing, not what people think and doing something for you and for the benefit of you takes more courage than popping a diet pill and following the imposed life-script and beauty standard. Anything going against what society deems acceptable is going to be hard but all those people who go “Oh I hate you! I wish I had your problem.” are really saying “I want to be healthy and bigger than a stick figure but my insecurities, complete fear of judgement and the fact my self worth is wrapped up in people loving me by being skinny prevents me from doing what you’re doing”. In short, they are cowards because they would rather starve themselves for other people than gain weight for themselves and stand up to the shit that follows gaining weight. You’re not a cowards. Good on you.

  2. No, love, you’re not ‘just whining’ and it’s NOT ‘privilege’ to be so thin because of health problems, and I will personally freaking piledrive anyone who says that.

    I’m so sorry you go through this.

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